Getting Older, Feeling Young
When birthdays are a gift.
The Day
It’s my birthday today, as I write. I am 61 and the sun is shining. I am filled with gratitude for the gift of life, of health and the chance to live my life each day to the best of my ability. This might sound a bit namby pamby to you… I hope it doesn’t because I’m speaking from the heart. I have reached the stage where I know who I am and I have the courage to live by my values, to live each day being as kind as I can be.
This doesn’t mean that I am perfect or that I don’t get angry or down, but generally I count my lucky stars to be surrounded by good people and to have learnt to be confident in myself and who I am.
As a birthday gift to those kind people who have clicked on a paid subscription, I am sharing a new WordWeave video for you (this is a meditation written and recorded by me that I hope will bring some calm and positivity to your day) I am also sharing a link to a library of free meditations that you can access at any time and which I will add to. I really hope that you find them useful. I had put all paid subscriptions on a pause, but now I am starting again and I hope that’s ok. The access to these extras will be underneath the first part of this post.
So… 61. It’s a weird thing to say that number out loud, but it is really just a number, a way of counting the days. I have chatted to people over the years about hitting these larger numbers and it’s interesting to see the connections people make. For some, 30 feels old. For others, 40 or 50 or 60 is a turning point. My Mum is 88 and you honestly wouldn’t know it. She is filled with an energy that shines from within.
This is not to say that she is not aware of her age. She told me once that she always does her washing up before bed and folds her clothes away neatly, just in case she doesn’t wake up in the morning. She doesn’t want anyone to find her house in a mess. This brought a lump to my throat, bless her. She greets each day as though it might be her last - not in a negative way, but in a way that sees her enjoying her garden, nurturing her flower baskets and relishing every conversation.
The Fear
I will be honest with you. I did go through a brief stage, a matter of weeks, where I started to think, “Oh blimey! I’m heading towards 70!”
And then that feeling changed to, “Oh wow! I’m heading towards 70!”
I suppose it depends on what age means to you. Does the relentless ticking of the body clock mean encroaching illness and wrinkles and decline? Or does it mean opportunity? More time in which to learn, to grow, to connect? It can depend on our life experience, the evidence we have that weighs on either side of that equation. Do we choose to embrace the life we have? Or do we live in bitterness and regret and view life as a swamp to wade through? Maybe, right now, life is just so hard that you don’t have the energy to do anything other than just survive. We do always have a choice as to our mindset though. As the Roman philosopher and stoic, Seneca, said:
“True happiness is… to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”
Each of us have that choice and I think I made my choice a long time ago. I had a childhood friend, Sally, who died at the age of 32 from cancer. She left 2 young children and a husband. It made me realise how precious life is. My Dad died aged 62 and he lived life with every ounce of energy he had, right up until the moment that life energy was simply gone.
Those two people helped me understand the choice I had. I could live, really live, do all the things I wanted to do, be the sort of person that my family and friends would be proud to have known. Or I could spend my time thinking about how unfair it all was and how they didn’t deserve to die so young and just focus on the awfulness of life.
In the end it was an easy choice. It became about the quality of each day, each moment, not the quantity. I wanted to eventually reach my death bed with no regrets.
The Strength
Life is not a given. And it’s not all roses and unicorns. There are times when every person’s life is challenging. Sometimes it can feel hard to face the day, whether we are faced with illness, tragedy or something else that feels like it’s going to break us. But there will always be something that shines a light of connection in the dark. It might just be a pinprick some days. Other days it feels like the whole day is filled with light and colour.
In her wonderful book “A Short Course in Happiness After Loss” Dr Maria Sirois talks about the loss of her brother from cancer and how even on the darkest of days there was always something, some act of kindness, a bird singing… something that helped her to focus on the good. It’s definitely worth a read.
As we get older it can be easy to start thinking that life is a gradual decline, a slippery slope to old age and illness. It doesn’t have to be and we can set the seeds of wellbeing early on. What really hit home for me with this mindset was the writing of Jim Brown and his Friendly Nudge. Jim looks at physical wellbeing in the same way I regard mental wellbeing. It’s a case of little and often, creating an environment where you can begin to thrive. We are not yet who we will be and that’s ok. We can choose to work on our physical health as demonstrated by Jim and we can choose to work on our mental wellbeing too. Doing both is golden.
This is the strength of which I’m writing. When I began going to the gym last year I could hardly lift 3kg to do a bicep curl. Gradually my strength has grown, my flexibility has grown and I feel like a different person. I hope to head into my 60’s with as much vim and vigour as possible! With our mindset and mental approach it’s the same. We might think that looking for the good choices, the pinpricks of light, difficult or even ridiculous to start with. However, if we build this practice into our daily routine, it becomes easier and we become more positive. Please don’t misunderstand me…. I’m not talking here about toxic positivity. It’s much more about following a stoic mindset and making the most of each day, each moment we are given.
The How
So how do we do this? How do we move into older age (whether that’s your 30’s or your 80’s or anything in between!) with positivity and a mindset that means each day is an opportunity? How do we prevent ourselves from falling into a place where we dread each day?
Each of us have our own unique path through life and so we will all have different strategies. I suppose the first thing is the realisation that this is an option. Maybe you haven’t really considered age as anything other than a slow (or rapid) decline into dependency, dementia and doom. What if ageing began to mean something else for you? Something more positive? What if you were able to begin building for the future? We can do this physically and we can also do this mentally, emotionally. We just have to start.
So… some suggestions:
set an intention for the day - take action of some kind that helps you step outside your usual ‘box’.
connect - chat to someone, arrange to meet for a coffee, invite someone over, check in on friends and family.
give service to others - volunteering, helping those in need in some way - it feels good.
consider doing new things - new activities, going to new places, learning something new.
begin being more physical - maybe walk, do yoga, run!, stretch, do weights, build strength and stamina for the future.
be curious - maybe meditate, learn a new language, try something you’ve not done before.
write down the Best Moment of your day in an evening reflection. There will always be a best moment, especially if you start doing the things above.
begin a gratitude practice - what are you grateful for today? And why? This is the recipe for life.
The Future
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. We might have 100 years ahead of us or we might have a few hours. We get to choose how to approach that time. I don’t know how long I will live, but I am not going to waste my time - this gift of life I have been given. I’ve had times when I thought my time was up and I wasn’t ready for that. I’m still not ready, but if it happens, when it happens I want to be able to meet my end with no regrets.
Life is short. It flies by. It doesn’t seem 5 minutes ago that I was playing apple dunking on a hot summer’s day with my friends. In fact it was 50 years ago.
None of us know what is going to happen. We never have! We assume that we know, but really nobody knows what will happen in the next 5 minutes, never mind 5 years.
So why waste our time assuming the worst? Why not make the most of each day? I know that some people prefer to expect the worst so that they won’t be disappointed when it happens… Of course, that’s one of the choices we have. But I imagine that feels pretty awful. Most of you reading this have won the lottery of life in many ways - you have a phone or laptop on which to read this. You probably have fresh running water in your home, food in your belly. You’re alive. Look at what we have compared to so many.
A birthday is just a marker for how long we have been on this Earth. It only means what we want it to mean. And we can decide to change its meaning if we so wish. How would that feel? To celebrate birthdays as gifts, chances to give back to the world, to learn, grow and make the very best of each moment we are alive? I would love to hear about your feelings around birthdays and ageing. You might agree or you might think I’m talking nonsense! Maybe this post has made you think…
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